"You can't catch me! I'm the fastest thing alive!"

Hmph. I was thinking about why so many in the radical left participate in "speedrunning."

"Huh?"

The reason in the left's lack of work ethic...

"What?"

…('go fast' rather than 'do it right') and, in a Petersonian sense...

"Petersonian?"

…To elevate alternative sexual archetypes in the marketplace ('the fastest hedgehog')…

"Shadow, what the fuck are you talking about?!"

You're a beta male, Sonic.