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Submitted by cummy on October 22, 2021

  Okay, listen to what I have to say. If given the choice between a loving fox girlfriend and unlimited Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water, the rather obvious choice is the fox girlfriend, right?

WRONG! The Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water is, after further inspection, a far greater asset in everyday life. Sure, an incredibly sexy woman who will always love is a great thing to have, but please allow me to outline all the benefits of possessing infinite Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water.

It is incredibly soft when drunk, and the bottles are made primarily from recycled plastic. It is a wonder to consume. However, I believe its greatest advantage is when it is put to use generating power. If one visits the Costco Wholesale© Business Centre and buys a large quantity of electronic materials, high-conductivity electromagnets, propane generators, and bulk propane and metals, these can be used to construct a Tokamak chamber, which can be used to enable Magnetic Confinement Nuclear Fusion. Now that you have constructed your Tokamak, you can disassemble your bulk electronics to construct the electromagnets required to contain the fusion reaction. Now, this is where the The Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water comes back into the spotlight. You must return to Costco Wholesale© and purchase a significant amount of lithium-ion batteries and a microwave or two. Water naturally contains one of the two reactants for a nuclear fusion reaction, deuterium. Deuterium is an isotope of hydrogen with one neutron. It can be extracted from the Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water to fuel one half of our fusion reaction. 

The second ingredient in a fusion reaction is Tritium, a mildly radioactive hydrogen isotope with two neutrons. This is not naturally occurring in Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water, but it is easy to produce. It can be generated by exposing water to irradiated lithium. Extracting the lithium from the lithium-ion batteries purchased earlier grants us an easy source of lithium. The microwaves grant us a source of irradiation. Use the microwaves to irradiate the lithium, and place it into the Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water. Given time and constant radiation from the microwaves, you should be able to produce tritium. 

Once you have sufficient quantities of both, inject them into your tokamak, and use the propane and generators to begin charging the magnets. It is essential they remain charged, and your reaction will cease if they fail to be powered. Once they are charged, begin heating the gas in the chamber, using radiation beams generated by the microwaves. Once you hit an excess of two hundred megakelvin, your fusion reaction should ignite become self-sufficient!

Fusion power is incredibly safe, has only helium as a byproduct, and generates an IMMENSE amount of energy. In terms of mass-energy equivalent, fusion releases 10 times more energy than fission does. As such, it is your civic duty to always choose Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water over big tiddy fox waifus, considering the environmental, sociological, and electrical benefits that nuclear fusion provides. Do your part, people. Always choose the unlimited supply of Kirkland Signature© brand bottled water.