Warning: TMI cranked to 11 incoming. // Ok, so for my whole life, I’ve dealt with constipation. But in the past year it’s gotten so bad I can’t shit for over a week at a time even when I’m taking laxatives. So, when my asshole decides it wants to let one out, even then I have to FORCE it. Like, I have to push so much I involuntarily piss at the same time. Now, I have a dick, and I very often don’t pay attention to where my penis is aimed when my body finally allows me to shit for the first time this week. This usually means I don’t try to aim it down into the toilet at all, and end up pissing on the floor. Today, I was graced with a bowel movement. It had been a good few hours and bottles of water since I last pissed. When I sat on the toilet, I immediately felt it coming. I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity, so I just pushed as hard as I can, caring even less about where my dong was pointed than normal, which usually isn’t at all. Of course, I pissed on the floor. However, this time by dick was pointed just far too left, so my piss streamed right into a vent. It took me about 3 seconds to notice it. I quickly aimed my dick away and was able to contain the remaining fluids to the regular floor. Why the fuck did I write this all out? Because someone would ask for context anyway if I just said “I pissed in the vent,” and also because I don’t know what’s going to happen. Will the heat vaporize my piss, or will it drain into the AC unit? If it’s the latter, will it damage the AC? Will the piss-tainted-air-to-regular-air ratio will be so little the smell will be fine, or will the whole house reek of my pee? I’m going to regret this when looking for a job in 5 years...