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Submitted by cummy on January 18, 2022

 The following cartoon contains scenes of actual stupidity, some of the stunts which you are about to see were performed by animated objects! Do not try any of what you see here at home! Seriously, you could get really messed up! My name is Captain Christian Potenza, and I approve the following cartoon. 

Get Tooned, Be Tooned, and Stay Tooned! (laughs) 

Greetings and salutations! I am your host, MePhone4. And this is Inanimate Insanity! A show where these objects compete for one... million... dollars! The challenges they will face will be gross, disgusting, and deathly. So, you don't wanna miss this! 

(Cut to elimination area) 

You see, the team that loses each episode will have to vote off a contestant, and that contestant will leave the game, never to return, EV-ER. 

(Cut to contestants) 

So, it's time for their first challenge! 

(Intro plays) 

Okay, so, the first challenge will be to jump off this 60 foot cliff, the first two contestants to jump off this cliff win and get to pick this season's teams. 

This should be easy. 

Oh yeah, one more thing. You must land into the safe zone filled with clean spring water, because if you don't, you will land in elephant feces. 

Um, what's feces? 

Feces: It's a nice word for crap, poop, dung, the kids in the pool. 

Ew, gross! 

If you fall into the elephant poop, you lose, and you cannot jump again. EV-ER. So, everyone ready? 

Well, actually, I had a question about—

(competely ignoring and interrupting them) START!!! 

Don't worry guys, I have loads of experience in jumping off cliffs. (jumps but lands in the elephant poop while screaming) 

And it looks like Pickle is out... in three seconds. That's just sad. 

That's disgusting! 

This challenge is mine! (jumps but falls very slowly) Oh, crap! This is not good! 

Come on, Salty-Salt, let's jump together! 

Off that? No way. 

But we are BCFFs! (Best Condiment Friends Forever) We have to be together. 

I'm sorry, Pepper, there is no way. No way that I'm doing that! 

(Scene cuts to Taco and Lightbulb, Lightbulb is at the edge of the cliff with Taco preparing to kick her off) 

Wait, Taco! Don't do it! NO! 

(Taco kicks Lightbulb, {s}he\* falls into the water) 

Wow, Lightbulb actually wins, thanks to Taco! 

Thanks a lot, Taco! It's your fault Lightbulb won! (kicks Taco, she lands in the feces) 

(Cut to Pepper jumping off)

Ahh! (lands in the feces) 

Oh my God! I'll save you, Pepper! (jumps off and lands on top of Pepper, they both sink in the feces) 

(Marshmallow jumps off the cliff and almost lands in the water, but suddenly defies gravity, moving towards the feces, and lands in it) 

Marshmallow's failure to use gravity correctly eliminates herself, so keep going! 

(1 hour and 409 seconds of doing nothing and pathetic failure later) 

Oh, come on! This should have been done a while ago-- wait, is that a balloon? 

(cut to Balloon falling very slowly towards the water) 

Yes! I'm so close! 

(20 minutes later) 

(even closer to the water) 


(Eventually, with some fast-forwarding, Balloon makes it into the water) 

Balloon also wins! Which means... they can pick the teams! 


...but next episode. 


Yeah, you heard correctly. Next episode. 

Oh, come on! 

(Credits, shows the elephant poop) 

Ugh, it smells so bad in here! 

It's elephant poop, it's not supposed to smell like roses. 

It's your fault, you know! Your... oh, what's the word...? Dumb! Your dumb jumping! 

We had to try! 

(grumbles) No, we didn't! 

When I get out of here, I swear—

(interrupts Salt) SOUR CREAM! 

That... doesn't... make... sense!