Did you have clay as a kid? I did. I made mine into a vagina and fucked it. It was summer so my parents were off at work and I had the place to myself. So of course as a rookie masturbator I was nude in the bathroom with a Vaselined-up clay tube, humping for Jesus. That's when I heard somebody opening the front door at a time of day when nobody should have been opening the front door. With catlike reflexes I withdrew and Carl Lewised back to my room, put my gym shorts and t-shirt back on, tucked the boner behind the waistband, laid on the bed under the covers and pretended I had been watching tv. Turns out it was my dad and his important boss in their suits and ties. They were heading back to the office after returning from a trip outside of the city and were just stopping off at our place to use the bathroom. The bathroom. The bathroom where my crude gray-green clay vagina and an open tub of Vaseline were sitting on the sink counter by the toilet. Where the boss was peeing. With nothing to look at while he peed but my clay girlfriend and open tub of the one lube so associated with masturbation (back then) that its original uses had long been forgotten. When he came out of the bathroom, my dad had me introduce myself. With a barely restrained deflating boner threatening to flop forward into ramming position any second, I shook his hand with my unmistakably Vaseline-y hand, just to go ahead and close the circle on what he was already thinking. Ohhh the shame. The guilt! Sorry dad! I'm so sorry! tl;dr: Shook my dad's boss's hand with the Vaselined hand I had just been using to lube up my John Thomas and the homemade clay vagina I had accidentally left out for him to see.