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Submitted by cummy on November 15, 2021


By our national digital surveillance monitoring systems, we have found out that you have reported your sibling to our hardworking police force for attempting to obtain access to confidential studies conducted by the Central Intelligence Agency and the American Psychological Association, which may result to the disruption of the security of our beloved nation. As such, we reward you for this heroic act by raising your hourly wage by $0.15 from the minimum wage. As for your sister, she has voluntarily surrendered to authorities and has also voluntarily pledged to do community services related to cleaning the environment for her entire lifetime, however any attempts to communicate with her is prohibited by law until further stated. 

We appreciate your fulfillment of the responsibilities of the American citizen by being observant among your fellow citizens and reporting attempts to desclassify government activities to our kindhearted policemen who maintain our nation's security and order towards prosperity!